Have you ever noticed that the more you try to push something away, the more it seems to stick around? Maybe it’s that chocolate cake you’re trying not to think about, or that nagging worry that keeps you up at night. Whatever it is, the harder you fight against it, the stronger it seems to get.
This isn’t just your imagination playing tricks on you. It’s actually a deep truth about how our minds work, one that the famous psychologist Carl Jung spent his life trying to help people understand.
The Disturbing Life Theory That Can Change Everything
The Disturbing Life Theory Carl Jung wanted everyone to understand is surprisingly simple: “What you resist, persists.” Or as he put it more completely: “What you resist not only persists but will grow in size.”
I know this might sound a bit strange at first. How can fighting against something actually make it stronger? Shouldn’t our efforts to push away negative thoughts or bad habits help us overcome them?
Let me explain this idea in a way that makes sense in our everyday lives.
Imagine you’re trying not to think about a pink elephant. Go ahead, try it right now. Don’t think about a pink elephant.
What happened? The pink elephant probably popped right into your head, didn’t it? This is what psychologists call the “white elephant effect” – the more you try to forget something, the more you end up thinking about it.
The Hidden Battle Inside Your Mind
To understand why resistance is so tricky, we need to talk about something Jung loved to explore: the conscious and unconscious parts of our minds.
Think of your mind like an iceberg. The small part you can see above the water is your conscious mind – the thoughts you’re aware of, the decisions you make on purpose. But underneath the surface is a massive chunk of ice – your unconscious mind. It’s filled with thoughts, feelings, memories, and urges that you’re not aware of.
When you resist something – like a bad habit or an uncomfortable feeling – you might think you’re handling it. But what you’re actually doing is pushing it down into the unconscious part of your mind. And here’s where things get interesting: your unconscious mind doesn’t understand “no” or “stop” or “go away.” It only pays attention to what you focus on.
So when you say to yourself, “I will NOT eat that cookie,” your unconscious mind hears “cookie” and keeps that thought alive and kicking. It’s like telling a child, “Whatever you do, don’t look in that drawer!” – you’ve just made looking in that drawer the most interesting thing in the world.
How This Hidden Battle Shapes Our Lives
This fight between what we consciously want and what our unconscious mind holds onto isn’t just some interesting theory. It’s the “hidden engine” that drives many parts of our lives without us even realizing it.
Jung once wrote: “We know that the wildest and most moving dramas are played not in the theatre but in the hearts of ordinary men and women who pass by without exciting attention, and who betray to the world nothing of the conflicts that rage within them except possibly by a nervous breakdown.”
In other words, there’s a whole lot going on beneath the surface that we might not even be aware of. And when we resist parts of ourselves – our fears, our desires, our pain – we’re setting up a tug-of-war that can drain our energy and even lead to breakdowns.
I remember a time when I was dealing with a lot of stress at work. The more I tried to ignore it and tell myself “I’m fine, I’m fine,” the worse my anxiety got. I started having trouble sleeping, my stomach was always in knots, and I became irritable with everyone around me. My resistance was making everything worse, not better.
The Surprising Power of Acceptance
So if resistance makes things worse, what’s the alternative? Jung had a pretty radical suggestion: acceptance.
Now, this doesn’t mean giving up or saying that everything is fine when it’s not. It means acknowledging what’s really happening without fighting against it.
When you accept something, you’re simply saying, “This exists right now.” You’re not saying you like it or want it to stay. You’re just recognizing reality as it is.
Here’s how this might work in practice:
Instead of thinking, “I shouldn’t be feeling anxious right now,” you might say to yourself, “I notice I’m feeling anxious, and that’s okay.”
Instead of trying to force yourself not to crave that cigarette, you might notice, “I’m having a craving right now. It’s uncomfortable, but it will pass.”
When you stop fighting against your thoughts and feelings, something amazing happens – they start to lose their power over you. They become just one part of your experience, not the whole thing.
Bringing Light to the Shadows
Jung was fascinated by what he called the “shadow” – all the parts of ourselves that we push away, deny, or don’t want to look at. These could be “negative” traits like anger, jealousy, or selfishness, but they could also be positive qualities that we’re afraid to claim.
“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate,” Jung said.
This is one of his most powerful ideas. When we keep parts of ourselves in the dark, they don’t disappear – they just operate behind the scenes, influencing our choices in ways we don’t understand.
For example, if you never acknowledge your anger, it might come out sideways as passive-aggressive behavior, or you might find yourself snapping at loved ones over tiny things. If you deny your need for rest, your body might force the issue through illness.
By bringing awareness to these shadow parts, we can stop them from controlling us from behind the curtain. We can make conscious choices about how to respond, rather than just reacting on autopilot.
The Freedom of Letting Go
There’s an incredible sense of relief that comes with dropping the resistance. It’s like you’ve been swimming upstream for years, and suddenly you realize you can turn around and go with the flow.
This doesn’t mean giving up on changing or improving your life. Actually, it’s the opposite. When you stop wasting energy on resisting what is, you have much more energy available for making positive changes.
Here’s a simple way to think about it: Acceptance is about the present; change is about the future.
You can accept where you are right now AND take steps toward where you want to be. In fact, honest acceptance is usually the first step toward meaningful change.
Practical Ways to Stop Resisting and Start Living
So how do we put this wisdom into practice in our everyday lives? Here are some ideas:
1. Notice When You’re Resisting
The first step is becoming aware of when you’re in resistance mode. Some signs might include:
- Telling yourself you “shouldn’t” feel a certain way
- Trying to distract yourself from uncomfortable thoughts or feelings
- Tensing your body against pain or discomfort
- Arguing with reality (“This shouldn’t be happening!”)
- Avoiding situations that bring up certain emotions
When you catch yourself resisting, just notice it without judgment. “Ah, I’m resisting right now.”
2. Get Curious Instead of Critical
Instead of pushing away the thing you don’t want to face, try getting curious about it. Ask yourself:
- What am I feeling in my body right now?
- What thoughts are coming up?
- What am I afraid might happen if I allow this?
Curiosity opens the door to understanding, while criticism just creates more resistance.
3. Practice Gentle Acceptance
Try saying to yourself, “I accept that right now, I’m feeling/experiencing/thinking _______.”
Remember, accepting something doesn’t mean you have to like it or want it to continue. It just means you’re acknowledging what’s true in this moment.
4. Look for the Lesson
Our challenges often have something to teach us if we’re willing to listen. Ask yourself:
- What might I learn from this situation?
- How might this difficulty help me grow?
- What does this reveal about what matters to me?
Finding meaning in our struggles can help us move through them with more grace.
5. Take Mindful Action
Once you’ve acknowledged and accepted what’s happening, you can choose how to respond. This might mean:
- Setting a healthy boundary
- Having a difficult conversation
- Seeking support
- Making a change in your life
- Simply being present with whatever is arising
The key is that your actions come from a place of clarity rather than reaction.
The Wisdom of Embracing the Whole Self
Jung believed that true health and wholeness come from embracing all parts of ourselves – not just the “good” or socially acceptable parts.
“My friends, it is wise to nourish the soul, otherwise you will breed dragons and devils in your heart,” he warned.
When we deny aspects of our humanity, they don’t disappear – they go underground and grow stronger in the dark. By acknowledging our full range of emotions, desires, thoughts, and experiences, we can integrate them in a healthy way.
This doesn’t mean acting on every impulse or indulging every negative thought. It means being honest with ourselves about what’s there, so we can make conscious choices about how to respond.
According to Jung, “people will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” We’ll stay in bad relationships, work ourselves to exhaustion, numb ourselves with substances or distractions – all to avoid looking at what’s really going on inside.
But there’s good news too. As Jung said, “I am not what happened to me; I am what I choose to become.” You are not defined by your shadow aspects or by the things you’ve been resisting. You’re defined by how you respond to them.
The Path to Freedom
The journey from resistance to acceptance isn’t always easy. It takes courage to face the things we’ve been avoiding. It takes practice to break the habit of pushing away what feels uncomfortable.
But the reward is worth it: a sense of freedom and wholeness that comes from no longer being at war with yourself.
When you stop resisting your experience, you free up enormous amounts of energy. Think about how much effort it takes to keep parts of yourself pushed down, to maintain the masks you show the world, to fight against what is.
All of that energy becomes available to you when you practice acceptance. You can direct it toward what truly matters to you – creating, connecting, contributing, growing.
In the end, what Jung was trying to help us understand is that the path to peace isn’t through control or avoidance. It’s through honest awareness and acceptance of our whole selves.
The next time you find yourself pushing against something in your life – a feeling, a situation, a part of yourself – try remembering Jung’s wisdom. What you resist persists. And what you accept, you can transform.
Key Takeaways
- What you resist persists and often grows stronger, as Carl Jung observed
- Resistance creates tension and keeps your focus on what you want to avoid
- Your mind has two parts: the conscious mind (above surface) and unconscious mind (below surface)
- The unconscious doesn’t understand denial – resisting something gives it power
- Acceptance is the alternative to resistance – acknowledge feelings without judgment
- Making the unconscious conscious gives you power to choose your response
- Holding onto anger and resentment only weighs you down
- There’s freedom in letting go of resistance and seeing things as they truly are
- When you stop fighting against your thoughts and feelings, they lose power over you
- You are not defined by your shadows but by how you respond to them